Almost Hypergraphic

The following Q & A is with Gary Chapman, author of Love as a Way of Life, the book that is currently kicking me into gear on, well, being a better person.

Also included: ways to get your own copy!

1. Describe some of the everyday situations that can be changed if a person has a foundation of love.
When love becomes the focus of ones life it will change every encounter we have with people. In the family, the husband is thinking, “what can I do before I leave for work that would be helpful for my wife?” Such thinking may lead him to take the trash out, put his breakfast plates in the dishwasher or feed the baby while his wife takes a shower.
In the workplace, employees are asking, “On my break, what might I do that would help someone else?” They will also make time to listen to a co-worker who seems to be having a hard time with a personal issue.
At the bank, post office, or cafeteria, the lover will look people in the eye and smile, perhaps opening the door to a conversation. They will express interest in what is going on in the lives of those they encounter.
The focus is not on “it’s all about me.” But, rather on “It is all about others.”

2. What is the take-away message of Love as a Way of Life?
Love as a Way of Life is designed to help the person who sincerely wants to make a positive impact in the world. I believe that is ‘most of us.’ Our biggest problem is that we don’t know how and we keep getting tripped up by our own selfish ambitions. The purpose of the book is to help us break free from the prison of selfishness and come to experience the satisfaction of truly loving others as a way of life. It is little acts of love that build up to a lifestyle of service.

3. Why do you need a foundation of love before you start figuring out our love languages?
The five love languages give information on the most effective way to express love in a meaningful way to a particular person. But, if you are not a loving person – don’t have the heart or will to focus on others – the information is of little value. Most of us must make a conscious change of focus from self to others if we are going to genuinely, and consistently enrich the lives of others. Love as a Way of Life is designed to help people make that change.

4. When did you realize the need for this book?
I first recognized the need for Love as a Way of Life when in a counseling session a husband said to me, “I’ll tell you right now, if it is going to take my washing dishes, and doing the laundry for my wife to feel loved, you can forget that.” I had just explained to him the concept of the five love languages and that his wife’s primary love language was ‘acts of service’ and that these acts would deeply communicate his love to her. I realized that he lacked the will to meet his wife’s need for love. He was locked into his own perception of what his role was to be and it did not include washing dishes and doing laundry. I knew at that moment that there was something more foundational than simply knowing a person’s love language.


5. What are the seven characteristics of lasting love?
I view love not as a single entity, but as a cluster of traits, which if developed will enhance all of life. These traits are:
Kindness: discovering the joy of helping others
Patience: accepting the imperfections of others
Forgiveness: finding freedom from the grip of anger
Courtesy: treating others as friends
Humility: stepping down so someone else can step up
Generosity: giving your time, money, and abilities to others
Honesty: caring enough to tell the truth

6. Why do you think it’s so hard for people to embrace these characteristics?
All of us have some of these characteristics to some degree. Most people see love as being better than hate. But most of us are comfortable to live somewhere between love and hate in a lifestyle that is fundamentally focused on self. We feel good when we are making money, accumulating things, gaining status, but in time these things do not ultimately satisfy what I call the ‘true self’. The true self longs to make the world a better place to live. To do something to help those less fortunate than we.
However, we all suffer from the malady of being ego-centric. I call this the ‘false self’. It is that part of man that pulls him to focus on self-preservation and a self-centered lifestyle. This is not all bad. Indeed we must meet our own physical and emotional needs in order to continue life. It is when we never get beyond this self focus, that life becomes a ‘dog eat dog’ world where everyone is out for self even at the expense of others. Such a life never brings long-term satisfaction. However it is often later in life that people discover the emptiness of selfish living. I’m hoping that Love as a Way of Life will help people discover the satisfaction of developing the ‘true self’ earlier in life.
Gary D. Chapman

I don’t know a single person who doesn’t need to read this book. To get a copy of your very own, check out amazon.com.
I’m giving away a copy, but this giveaway has three stipulations. One, you MUST read it with in a month of its reception. Two, after you’re done with it, you must pass it on. Three, as you’re passing it on, you must relay these stipulations to the person who is receiving it.

To enter to win a copy of this book, you need to send me your email address - my email is eliza.osborn(at)gmail.com.

Giveaway open to North American residents; contest ends Midnight EST, Friday, June 18.
KEEP THE ENTRIES COMING!

—— OTHER PLACES TO WIN ——

If you know me, you know I:

A) Don’t like people

and

B) Don’t like getting involved with their lives.

I mean, why bother?  They’re unreliable, and they tend to do infuriating things.  Sure, a Pro Awe like me has a lot of friendly acquaintences, but I’m kind of a loner.  I like my husband, I like my kid, and really, those relationships feel like enough for me.

But I know I’m missing out.  I know that, by keeping at such a distance from others, I’m not living life as God intended it for me.  So while the temptation to hole up in my ivory tower is strong, it’s also wrong.

I know this.  We were meant to enrich one another’s lives.  We weren’t meant to detract from them, even though, as infallable as we are, detraction, irritation, and frustration are all inevitable.

I’ve really been working on being MORE of a person, less of a rock, less of an i-i-island.  So when I was asked to partake in Gary Chapman’s Love as a Way of Life blog tour, I knew three things:

1.  I needed to read this book

2.  It was coming at just the right time in my life

and

3.  I wouldn’t enjoy it, because it would kick my butt.

And it is seriously kicking my butt.

I don’t know a single person who doesn’t need to read this book. To get a copy of your very own, check out amazon.com.

I’m giving away a copy, but this giveaway has three stipulations.  One, you MUST read it with in a month of its reception.  Two, after you’re done with it, you must pass it on.  Three, as you’re passing it on, you must relay these stipulations to the person who is receiving it.

Oh, and the first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

To enter to win a copy of this book, you need to send me your email address - my email is eliza.osborn(at)gmail.com.  More about this awesome book coming this week.

Seriously, it is a GOOD BOOK.

Adrienne asked where I was.

Um.

I’m over here for now.

That’s where my writerly friends play, and I have succumbed.

You can comment anonymously o’er there — only a few of my posts are friends-locked (usually those regarding agents/submissions/writing angst).